Happy Birthday Gwen...

Six years ago my Thanksgiving week was the hardest week of my life.  Our Gwen was born silently on November 21st, 2005 and Thanksgiving arrived just three days later.  I wasn't in a very thankful place, but instead one of the deepest grief I could imagine. 

Six years, or two thousand and ninety days later, I find myself approaching Thanksgiving week FULL of thanks for all our gifts.  I am grateful to have the memory of our Gwen to always remind me of the miracles we are given on this journey called life.  This year our family has our newest little miracle, Holden, to snuggle and love.  Six years ago I ached for the opportunity to snuggle and love our Gwen.  It wasn't to be.  Honestly, I know that I would be such a different mother to Hazel, Henley and Holden had I not been given the gift of Gwen.  I appreciate them and their unique personalities, their likes, DISLIKES, and their amazing ability to grow and change and learn. 

Today, as Hazel and I sat and looked through my memory book of Gwen, she noticed the little things.  Gwen's tiny footprints, how small she was in her daddy's arms, and how tiny my writing was to capture all my deepest thoughts.  However, looking through this special book with my daughter was nothing small.  The moment was huge for me, as it means that our Gwen's legacy is not ever going to fade, as my daughter (and eventually my sons) will learn about her and grow up knowing she came first. 

                                                   

Hazel shared with me that she believes baby Gwen is up in heaven wrestling with Great Grandpa! Thanks Hazel for the silly but very sweet sentiment. 

I got the kids all together this morning for some pictures.  Hazel hadn't had an opportunity to give Holden a bottle, so I thought it would be a special treat.  She LOVED playing little mommy and was so very sweet.  Henley joined in on the fun a little, but the pull of the Lego bin was rather strong!

A few times today, I found myself getting frustrated by the little things, as I too often do these days.  Six years ago I would have done ANYTHING to have frustrating mommy times with Gwen.  So, today when my kids...

say "NO"
       I step on another wayward Lego
            juice is spilled
                  clothing stained
                       another time-out is needed...

I will take a deep breath, and be grateful for the OPPORTUNITY to be frustrated by my children!   

Of course I also ADORE the moments of hearing....

  "love you mommy"
          watching Hazel and Henley play school
                  or wedding 
                       Holden's smiles
                            Henley needing one more "high 5"
                                  and one more cuddle
                                         oh and watching Hazel teach her brother to dance. 

I adore being a mother and I give thanks for my children.

I will finish this post with just a few more pictures of Gwen's siblings.  I do wonder how she would have melded into the zoo that is our home these days...